If you read my first post of trying the online dating you would see, I hope, my disappointment in the whole process. How I felt about my first months experiences and the whole “game plan” that you are sucked into joining. Well it has been some time passing and the whole learning curve on navigating the good ones from the bad ones has left me with a bit more “street smarts”. Can say that for online stuff? Since it’s not actually “street” perhaps I should call it… cyber smarts. Sure, why not, I’m cyber smart.
Being single sucks, admit it, I seriously know. I was completely celibate, single for 19 years! Yup, that long and by my own choice. I wanted to be the best mom I could and not be one of those moms with a revolving door of men. In that time I learned and grew a lot, the whole “I can do it myself, and I’m a strong woman” really showed me how much we need to let someone else in. To lean on someone else once in a while, life would not have been easier but it would have been easier to face each day had I had someone with me.
I know there is a whole lot of money made from being single, self-help books, I can do it attitudes, and the whole sex industry makes a tone of money off you being single. So opening myself up to the possibility of finding someone who could love such a strong-willed, curvaceous, older woman who hasn’t dated in 19 years like me wouldn’t be easy. And being curvy and in my later years I thought it would be harder than it actually is to attract a man. I mean, I thought I would get maybe one date a month if that because I was supposed to compete with these 20 and 30 something beauties. This is so not true ladies and gents, so not true. We compete with no one! We are smart, strong, fun, pretty (handsome) and the most sexy of all because we are confident. Confidence is so sexy, don’t mix that up with arrogance which is not sexy at all. There is not a 20 or 30 somethings that can match our skills. So don’t every doubt yourself when dating in your later years.
I learned that when going on 2 to 5 dates a week that age and looks was not my issue, the issue was that I have been so independent that I never made room for anyone else to even get a foot in the door. I have learned to soften myself, allow my feminine energy to flow and the only time I bring out my masculine energy, is never. I try to keep that on the down low sorta speak. (Men of course if you want a feminine woman you of course show your masculine energy. ) Ya I mess up and fall into it sometimes but I soon realize the damage it is causing myself and stop it. I have learned how powerful feminine energy truly is, more stronger than the bulldozer masculine energy that many woman (myself included) use to get stuff done. To get the promotion, to get the order, to get daily tasks completed and the list goes on. Feminine energy can do that and with a whole lot more style and grace.
Perhaps I will explain the relation to feminine and masculine energy to help attract your perfect mate or at least the one you think you want in another post one day, but not today. Carrying on.
I actually stopped using the “meet me” links since it is all just scanning pictures and saying “yes I will meet you because your hot” type thing. So superficial I couldn’t stand it. I changed my profile so many times to try to weed out the penis flashers, yet it didn’t take long to see that they were not reading what I wrote to begin with. And don’t even get me on the 20 something men who want an older woman… seriously. It wouldn’t be so bad if they actually wanted a relationship, I mean an age is just a number right? Maturity, intelligence, security all that doesn’t need to have an age right. hahahaha oh hell no! All they want is a woman with no strings attached who can “teach them” our life experiences with less drama. Their words, not mine.
As I said I am not a young, socially accepted idea of beauty. I am in my mid 40’s, I am a single mom and have a bit more life experience and a bit more smarts between my ears. So when I wrote something on my profile I actually thought someone would read it before messaging me. Nope. Nadda. Zilch. No one read a word other than the user name and my picture. Which by the way was only a head shot.
How do you get around that I asked myself? (Because when you get old you talk to yourself more. ) And myself gave me some pretty sound advice. Put your intentions in you user name! Eureka! That slowed them right down. To a halt! What was my user name that was so effective you ask?
“Not gonna suck it, so don’t post it”
Yup, that was user name number 2. I could hear crickets laughing. Ok that was a bit over the top I admit. I had to try something, getting penis pictures sent almost every post was making me wanna puke. Don’t get me wrong I like a nice penis, but this was re-dick-ulous. (ya I just said that.) I went through about 10 of these type of user names, some worse than others. So I changed my user name to something a little less dramatic, here’s one of them:
“Look what I can write, then let’s go for tea”
Ya… it is rather on the dumb side, but guess what? It worked. The posts I got after that actually started conversations of what I wrote. You see in my profile I wrote a quick summary of what my friends describe me as, and then a quick summary of what I am looking for. The kicker was I also mixed into the information was a couple of questions and hobbies to talk about. Those who read my profile would actually answer the questions when they first sent their hello’s. I kept my profile small, two to three small paragraphs under 500 words total. Here is a sample of one of the profiles I used. Yes the profile is what my friends said I am, I’m not making this shit up.
Welcome to my profile,
About me: My friends say I am kind, gentle, strong-willed, love to laugh, loyal, smart, a bit of a wild-fire, energetic, sapiophile, talented and a “cool girl” with a nice ass. That’s what they say, I say I like to write and read great literature, do you?
About you: Smart because I love to talk with you and hear your ideas, views and advice. Easy going and patient because I am a strong woman and you love to support and watch me work. Fun and honest because I want to laugh and enjoy life’s great challenges and rewards with you. Financially secure with a job you love – meaning you don’t live in mom n dads basement playing online games all the time and because I am not reliving psycho. Enjoy nature because I live outside. Take care of yourself and stay fit because I love to cook and you must eat my food. Do you like to cook or just eat?
Well I figured that beat out “I like long walks in the rain and skipping rock on the pond”. It found me some really nice guys, some who are still my friends today. Even though a date and relationship never emerged doesn’t mean they are not friend worthy. Keeping an open mind I made some great friends. Never have too many friends I say.
However I got tired of this whole ordeal, I couldn’t find anyone who even came close to a spark, or even a small smoulder. I decided to close my account and take some time away from online dating. Look into other dating things, not sure what but gonna look around. I told the universe that two weeks from that day I was closing the account. Then a man messaged me one week before I closed the account. He was smart, respectful, and I had to meet him. I met him three days before I closed the account. We hit it off, sparks, laughter, pleasant sarcasm, conversation that was actually insightful. He was open to talk about many topics and before I knew it I felt his soft full lips up against mine. We started dating. Has it been all rainbows, of course not. I learned that as a woman we are at a much higher vibration than men, so as for setting the pace that is best to let the one who is slower set that which is usually men. Of course this is not always but it is usually this way. The point is, I closed my account on the declared day and been dating this man who I met online.
I don’t know if this will last, if it doesn’t I think I will open myself to the online world again since I did find a really great guy. But for now, I’m done with searching.
I’m curious, would you like me to share what my worst meets were, some are pretty bad and looking back rather funny. At the time not so much but I can smile now, with limited twitching. I would love to hear from you. What was your worst first meet date from an online dating site or even a blind date set up? How many of you have found love on an online dating site?