Have You Ever?

Hello friends, I hope this day finds you well. Today I’ve had another moment where I did something, tucked it away and then I see it produced by someone else.Someone else has made money off of the same thing that I did a year or more earlier.

If you didn’t know yet, I love to sing, not just while in the shower. Not just any singing either, I will belt it out like a blow horn if I am in the mood, and I am often in the mood.

My daughter hears a song on the radio and asks me “who is the original artist?” I tell her that the original artist is singing it right now. She will tell me it’s a female voice. I will sing a few lines and she just smiles and says, “oh, it’s you I was remembering”. heehee As I age I noticed I have developed a bit of stage freight, I did karaoke a bit ago and was nervous.

I also love to write, I like to create fun short stories and poems, I have even written a sermon just for the heck of it. I used to write down my musical creations and stopped because I thought I was being watched. Have you ever felt like you were being watched? Like things you did or said become a popular phrase, or a song comes out and you made it up a year before?

This happens to me, not just with music but also with poetry, stories, and a phrase I used. I started to think I was going crazy. I mean really, who the heck wants to follow me around? I’m nobody special so what the heck?

I have since decided to believe that creativity is like a whisper or image floating in the wind. I sometimes get a thought of a story, I’ll write it all out in my mind, but just as fast as it goes in my mind it’s gone. Poof! I don’t even remember what the heck it was about. I lose it before the pen and paper is found. So to me, a creative image that I could paint or a song to write, or a poem or whatever creativity that you do, if you don’t catch it and hold onto it then it moves onto another person. As in creativity waits for no man or woman, it has a desire to be told, sung, painted or expressed and it is not going to wait around for you to “get around to it”. Just as fast as it comes its off looking for someone else who is on able to grab it.

I am learning and trying to train myself to always have a pen and paper on me, and to hold that idea until I can write it down and share it. I think the “universe” has things to say and creative individuals are the way it speaks some times.

Or, I really am going a little bonkers.

Has this happened to you? Do you get the inspiration but it’s gone before you can get the pen and paper to write it down, or draw it?



You want me to wear a bra?

For those of you who have been following my personal everything blog, you will remember we were homeless. Unfortunately I learned that people don’t give a shit. You sleep in your car, who cares! You sleep in a card board box, who cares! In this economy it was not easy to get back on our feet alone, but we are doing it. My daughter finally found work at a Loblaws company in N.W. Calgary. (There are a lot of Loblaws company brands, such as Presidents Choice, No Frills, and the list goes on.) She had been working there for well over 6 months. She has proven that she is a hard worker. She shows up for every shift, she has trained other staff and she knows her job well. She has even stayed extra hours to help them out because they are so busy. Needless to say, she works hard.

Knowing that she is a reliable individual I feel she is taken for granted quit often, and treated rather poorly, but as she says, we need this job until we can find a better on. She is correct of course. Here is the kicker of all the mistreatment she takes. I will sum up the conversation like this;

One morning she shows up for her shift and her manager of the department tells my daughter that she needs to talk to her.

OK, about what? My daughter said.

Do you wear a bra at work? The manager said.

Not always, what does that have to do with my work? My daughter said.

There was a customer who said she was offended by my daughter not wearing a bra because she could see her nipples where perky, so we need you to wear a bra at all times at work. The manager said.

What? So let me get this straight, no one cares if you are homeless, but perky boobs is something to bitch about? Good to know. First of all, my daughter has small breasts, (not like that should make a difference) and is not shaking all over the place. No one is getting a black eye by my daughters massive breasts swinging like a hurricane down the aisles. She wears her t-shirt, plus the specific Loblaws company required shirt for that department over top. The only way that customer could have seen any  perkiness or poking nipples is if she was looking for it, and up close and personal with my daughter. Besides, I have worn bras that still show when its a little cold in the room, so wear a bra or not, perking is still happening.

The other thing is that this is a perfectly normal part of our bodies, if she is upset by perkiness, get a boob job lady! Plus, for a company to tell an employee what underwear they must wear, it must be in the contract of hire, it must be for good reason, such as modeling a bra, or for a company that is advertising breasts, or clothing. This is a grocery store for crying out loud. And it was summer time when this happened, with 30 C weather! Its not like it was -40C below, geesh.

I find this to be a very inappropriate thing to tell anyone. It is just out right sexist. Men don’t wear bras. Oh ya, not including those men who are very large and wear the bra to help stop the pain of their shaking new fat breast. Oh, and the men who are transitioning to become a woman. Or the men that are cross dressers. Or the men who are dressing up for Halloween or some type of costume party. Oh ya, and those men who wear the bra for a day, raising money for breast cancer. But, other than those men, men don’t wear bras. Telling my daughter to put on a bra in my humbled opinion, is bullshit.

There are many reasons for not wearing a bra, to stop sagging breasts is one. Yuppers, that’s true. I would not lie to you, at least not intentionally. A study was done by the French, (and we all know how amazing they are about there boobs and fashion right?), that those who wear bras are more likely to get sagging boobs when aging then those who do not. The reason was that without a bra your body is using muscles of its own to hold them up. By wearing a bra, the body doesn’t have to use those muscles and they become weak and so, in turn, you get knee slapping breasts when you are 50.

Links to find this study info : CBS News, Medical News Today.

So in all my daughters manager (and Loblaws company since the manager represents the company) is cursing my sweethearted, hard working, perky breasted daughter, with the droopy boobies.

My daughter did not protest it because we are in such a hard situation financially that she was worried she would get fired if she were to make a big deal out of it. How horrible is that? You can’t defend your right to be underwear-less because you may get fired.  So, those of you who don’t have panty lines are next, you may have a customer who is offended that you have no panty line, then your employer will tell you to start wearing panties ladies!

What do you think? I think I have clearly made my stand on this issue. Tell my what you think? Do you think an employer of a grocery store (or any store) should tell you what underwear you should wear?

Light Bulb Moment -maybe-

As you have read my last few posts show some struggles, ok, some crap I am pushing through. The first day after the abuse I took from the landlords and roommates, I spent the entire day in bed. I only got up to go the bathroom, that was it. I did not eat, not really slept, and the inside turned and I felt like that little girl waiting for her beating in the coal shed, and I had to get the strap myself. Nothing like delivering the weapon that is about to put you in serious pain. So sitting in my room still trying to find a way out of my once again impending homelessness and still scouring the internet for work I had a thought pop into my head.

“To thine own self be true”. Now I don’t want to get all religious on you, anyone who reads my writings knows my faith right now is as strong as a tight wire made of a single strand of human hair. My hair, so fine it would snap if a spider set upon it. There is NO WAY that will hold up to anything. But as I was sitting there day dreaming, as my mind wonders a lot. I thought “what the hell does that mean?” “why on earth did that pop into my head?” Then I realized my mind, subconscious or perhaps a higher power, who the hell knows, figured out what it means for me.

I have suffered crap since the day I was born, from my birth mother trying to kill me to abuse of any and all natures and then homelessness and now what happened a few days ago. There is one thing that made me get through it all. My father. Now that he is gone, my life seems to have taken even a stronger dive. What is the link. My father was able to change his ways and learn from his mistakes and became a really great man. One that I have not met since. But what I noticed about him is that he knew himself. He knew his weaknesses and he worked on them, but most of all he knew what he wanted to become. He knew the type of person he was, is, and always will be. He knew so well that I could lean on him and he helped carry me through stuff by just sitting in the seat beside me.

What do I know of myself? Who am I? What type of person am I? Am I a good mom, bad mom, or a fantastic mom? Am I charitable? A bully? Selfish? What am I really? If I am brutally honest with myself, no over thinking things, just stand outside myself and see myself for who and what I truly am and write it down. Don’t think about what I am writing down at this point, just think of any time I have been a bitch, bully, slut, and compare it to any time I have been charitable to others, been kind, helpful, caring, etc.

I realize that the world is not at all like it was when I was growing up. I remember people helping each other, strangers helping and friends were real true friends not superficial and what do they get out it. But I don’t want the modern selfish society to change what I know in my heart of hearts to be true, to be right, and to be admirable.

I realized that what if all those people in the world contemplating suicide, being abused, and depressed and struggling emotionally, mentally because they are from a different type of values that seems to no longer be in one with the non Christian world. Believe in religion or not, the fact that the world was ruled by the Christian values for many, many years. It has only been since Christianity is being attacked by non Christians and other beliefs that those core values of society have been altered, squashed and abandoned. Those still in the strong Christian moral value system are being under attack. So, even if you don’t believe in religion, do you still carry those core values? Are you kind at heart? Do you actually want to help others? Do you feel emotions so strongly you are empathic? Are you kind? Would you help a stranger just because they needed help? You don’t find humour in the modern idea of “reality TV” and the stupidity stunts and abuse of others? Do you care about the world and animals around you?

Why does this make any sense to me? If you know who you are, if you know without a doubt the person you are, and the person you are trying to become, that ultimate self that you are trying to be. So long as you are not trying to be someone else, but are trying to be who YOU are to be. Then it does not matter what the poo poo nay sayers are saying, who gives a shit what the judgy judgers are saying, and anything that is said about you, that is NOT WHO YOU KNOW YOURSELF TO BE, than you can disregard it. Toss it over the left shoulder into the abyss, and go on with your life. Doing what you know to be true, right, and worthy of you. Searching for like-minded people and leaving the rest in your dust. In the end, if, just if there is a judgement day, you can stand tall, head held high, and you will be successful over “those other people”. If there is not a judgment day and something else is among us after death, you can still stand tall and face whatever it is with those core values you know yourself to be. And you will make it through that too.

I believe we need to feel the pain, feel that hurt thrown on us. Think about it,and process it, but once we have felt it, processed the thought of it, we then can decide if it will continue, or be dismissed.

How do I learn about myself? Do I need to buy a fancy car or get a boob job or take a vacation to “discover” oneself? No. Nope, and No way. I feel we just need to sit down in a quiet place with a pen or pencil and paper or writing book. Then you start to ask yourself questions. Just like a writer asks their own characters who they are, to know them well, that is how you will know yourself well also.

I will post that in the next post how I am trying to work through this. Trying to reconnect with who I am and who I want to be? I don’t mean the house, cars etc, nothing of the world. I am talking deep in your soul, or perhaps you call it your chi, or maybe you call it your “self”. Either way, learn thy self is my new direction and focus.

Please share you thoughts on this, I would love to hear if anyone else has had an epiphany of how to overcome all of life’s challenges and is it working? have you needed to tweek it a little for situations? Does it keep you strong?