Oh Gravity

As I get older I see gravity is becoming a bit of a bitch. I suppose I should look into a support group. I wonder if there is a nipple dragging group out there?  I don’t want to be a “tripper” when I am in a nursing home, geesh, I could break a hip. A bit dramatic? maybe so. However this is a serious problem among women! 🙂

We all want to look good right? We all want to feel attractive, wanted and desired right? Hell ya. I love being loved, touched, kissed, licked, who doesn’t? But as I get older and hips have widened I see the downside of age. Such cruel reality.

Why bother, no one is looking under my shirt anymore. Why can’t I just let it all hang out? Swinging to and fro, who cares? A strong gust of wind and I have my own flags cheering me on! Other than the people they may slap in the face, oh no, more like slap in the knees! My apologies.

I am exaggerating of course. But some days it feels like the sex appeal is all gone. The body changes through life I get it. So, how do you feel sexy as you age? How do you make yourself feel like you have a” little dirty secret” that puts a little bounce back in your step? You know, when you used to wear lingerie under your cloths or freshly shaved/waxed vagina, or whatever you did you make you feel good. What can you do now? Exercise!

Yup, I saw an older lady from the back at first, it was a body of a 20 or even 30 year old. Then she turned around, and my mouth dropped! She was not at all a young woman. I had to ask her what she did? Is this plastic surgery? Nope. She does yoga 3 days a week and pole dancing 3 days a week. POLE DANCING! I asked her how old she was. She was 67 years old. I was so impressed. She told me she had only been doing dancing for about a year and she saw changes in her body that she had never had before. She has done yoga for 5 years. So she started at 62 years old to loose 30Lbs but she gained a body she never even dreamed of. How wonderful! She said her breasts have even firmed up. Come on, this is the key ladies. Find a strengthening workout that you love and work it, work it work it!

One of my new year goals is to lift these babies up, up, up. Rise my sweets! Look to the ski! I am doing push-ups, and chest pumping and anything I can to re-develop that muscle area. (And I am signed up for the next pole dance class) I wonder if there is Botox for breast? Hmmm? nah, I don’t like getting a needle in my arm, sure don’t want needles stuck into my tender ladies.

oh no, my mind just wondered to a tire pump, wouldn’t that be nice hey, just pump them up when they get a little flat. hahaha.

Well I’m just saying, gravity, she’s is a bitch. But so am I, I will not let you win!

Happy exercising. 🙂

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Woke up with icicles

Winter came in like a raging lion. It was so windy that icicles were forming faster than you can say icicles. In fear of my solar panel flying away I braved the spears and tucked the panel safely under the camper behind the tires. Yet I still had the thirty feet to brave to safety. I flipped up my hat and ran as fast as my chubby little legs would take me. oh I wish I put boots on, slippers are not a wise choice at this point.

“I’ll only be a few seconds,” famous last words as I am now frozen to the ground, its freezing at a nice and easy pace of .6 seconds. My car can reach 100km/h in a cool 2.5 minutes, yet the wind can stick me to the ground faster than I can blink. This is ridiculous, I am now in my stocking feet pulling my slippers off the ground and putting them back on my feet while being pelted by shards of ice that jack frost decided would be fun to throw at me.

What brave adventure would it be if there wasn’t at least one wipe out, oh no, I’ll make it two wipe outs and a bruised tailbone just for extra dramatic affect. I make it up those puny camper steps and threw the hobbit size door to safety. Once inside I discuss at length who’s great idea was it to make such small steps and narrow door, do they not know that people are entering these things?

We fire up the propane stove since we have no electricity, it took an hour to warm up the inside of the camper to 10 degree Celsius. OK, we are warm now. Time for bed, I can’t sleep since our camper is being pelted with spears and the wind is trying very hard to capsize our vessel.

I  managed to get a few hours of sleep under a pile of 10 blankets. I open my frosted eyes and exhale to see a cloud of breath. My daughter and I have breath races, who can make their breath go further. I don’t know who won, a tie I suppose. Time to get dressed and ready for the day. Like taking off a band aid we rip of the pile of blankets and race to get to the compost toilet. After I peeled my frozen but cheeks off the toilet seat I decided that it may be time to get dressed.

OOOOOHHH, I cried as I am now naked and my body is trying grow fur as fast as it can to get warm. I decided I am not shaving this winter, I will grow out what hair I can and help keep my pits and legs warm at least. It is a sacrifice I am willing to make.

So, this is what its like to winter camp in your camper. Well, the beginning of winter at least. I was told it was a three season camper, he lied!

 

 

Otaku Fest Calgary 2017

For those of you who don’t know what Otaku Fest is, it’s simply a gathering of people who love anime, manga and that whole culture that surrounds it. My daughter is one of them, and after watching Black Butler I have to admit, I am a fan as well. I think if I watched more Anime or red any manga I would probably be obsessed with it so I keep the reins pulled in tight.

It was held in the University of Calgary Science Theater, which I can tell you no one on campus knows how to get there. There were no signs to guide you to the location and even the advertising for it was barely out there, so if you wanted to go and didn’t know about it, I don’t blame you. My daughter found it because she was looking for the  big one that is coming in May 2018.  This was funded by the Calgary Culture and Arts I think it was, I am sorry I lost my paper to let you know for sure who funded it.

This was not hugely organized, it was basically three rooms that people moved throughout. While in each room there was games or Japanese foods such an awesome cream pop and a variety of steamed buns in shapes such as turtles.

I enjoyed seeing the costumes and trying to figure out what characters each person was trying to be. I was disappointed that Black Butler did not make an appearance, or even Ciel was not in the room. When I realized that Grell was not any place I could have cried a little tear. I mean come on, Grell is awesome, how could no one dress up as him. So think I found my costume plan for May 2018 at the Calgary Telus Convention Centre . I need to lose a lot of weight to look like him, but I have until May drop 80 lbs, grow my hair 2 feet, colour it bright red, file down my teeth, and get me a chain saw! I did see someone with a Black Butler bag, so the night was saved.

I really enjoyed watching the chess game with all the characters. The chess masters were slow and lacking in chess skills, but they are University kids, what do they know? They couldn’t even count five squares. It was funny to see how they got confused on how many squares they are to move. You know Alberta Education is top-notch when University Students can’t count 5 squares to the left. Heehee.  To see these kids act out the powers to kill other chess pieces was entertaining. Fake dying is always entertaining.

This was a fun day to spend in celebrating cultural weekend in Calgary. I will discuss the Culture Fest we attended in NW Calgary at the Genesis Centre in a different post.

I encourage everyone to join in the Otaku Fest in May 2018 if you have a chance to get to it. I hear it is supposed to be as big as Comicon, Look for Grell, it might just be me 🙂 Makenzie is going to go as her favourite character, Mikasa Acherman. If you don’t know any of these characters go ahead and look up the anime Black Butler and Attack on Titan.

I am not getting any funding for advertising for this, I just really like anime and want to share this culture with everyone I can. It’s a lot of fun to dress up and be someone else for a day, and to be with like-minded people. I mean come on, who doesn’t want to have to have powers and the freedom to behave as these characters do?

Do you like anime? who is your favourite character? what is your favourite anime, or manga?

Fun Story

I posted a fun little story on my LinkedIn account and wanted to share it here. It’s just a little writing exercise that is fun, for me. I hope fun for you too. Can you guess who the “Bob” character is before the end? I have heard a few different ideas, some got it right, but I love to hear what impression people thought “Bob” was.

Eviction Notice

Mary is fed up with Bob, she knows something must be done. Bob’s constantly knocking over her pictures, erases the answer machine messages before she can listen to them. Bob turns the T.V. on or off whenever he feels like it. He’s always playing practical jokes and hiding things around the house. Marry searches for her slippers, finding one on top the refrigerator and the other under the couch.

“Bob has got to go.” she exclaims.

Mary calls her neighbour Dianna; she has a way with special people. Dianna can’t get Bob to leave. Mary thought if she makes the house smell bad he would leave. So, Mary burns all kinds of incense, candles and grasses and still he will not leave. She doesn’t want to call those guys in the lab coats, but she has no choice. It must be done.

Doorbell rings, Mary opens the door. There stood three very tall, muscular men. One man had more tattoos than she has ever seen. Mary felt a knot in her stomach, am I doing the right thing? She thought.

“Hello, you called us to help with Bob? My name is Jake.” The man said.

“Thank you for coming, I have to admit I am a little nervous. I have never done this before, he’ll be OK, right?” Mary said.

“No worries ma’am, we will take care of everything. You can even go out for coffee, this shouldn’t take long.” Said Jake.

Mary left for coffee and was back in 45 minutes. Not knowing what she will find when she comes home. She slowly enters the apartment, it’s quiet, no one’s there. She waits and listened for Bob. Nothing. She puts her T.V. on, it stays on, so she turns it off. She put her slippers beside her bed and propped up her pictures on the mantle. The next morning, the slippers are still there, the pictures are still safely on the mantle, and the T.V. is still off. Mary takes a deep slow breath and sinks into the couch as she thinks to herself, finally, Bob the ghost is gone.

 

Did you guess who Bob was? Did you think he was a mischievous cat? Or maybe a really bad roommate?

 

 

 

 

Last Days of Art Class

 

Well, this is the end, I have completed my 6 weeks of beginners art class. I am sad to see it go. I really enjoyed the challenges, the feedback, and the practice.

I’ve joined all of the last three classes into one. A big goodbye.  I would highly recommend anyone take this course, it was fun, informative and the teacher was very encouraging.

First was an attempt at a futuristic drawing. I have so much practice needed.

Second was the drawing of an animal, I drew my cat.

Third is a creation of our own, I did some imaginary flowers with a hummingbird.

 

Today I am posting the results of my layout and design. This lesson has two drawings that will show the use of negative space and the golden points. I used the illusion for the use of the negative and positive space and then the central focal point for the golden points. I used the Koi fish for this drawing. Here is my attempt at this assignment, hope you enjoy.

 

 

 

 

Art class -Lesson 6

Good day to you, it is finally sunny after tons of wind warnings, sleet, and more wind. Gotta love southern Alberta for the wind!

Took a bit to figure this one out, I have to put everything into one pic, so there is hatching, cross-hatching, smudge, shading, stippling, single light source, and if you look in the top right corner, there is silhouette of the flashlight.

Hope you like it.

lesson 6,all of it

 

 

Writing assignment

Well folks! For the last month I have attended way too many writing classes, one for beginners, one for essentials in writing and one for how to write to make some cash, plus I am taking 8 other courses. WAY too many at one time, talk about nuts around here, and my computer crashes two days ago and took me two days to get it up and going again! That is not what you are here for so let’s get on with the writing assignment, I am to write a creative piece with all the lessons I am learning in beginners writing class, I absolutely love me teacher Ann Linquist. Here I will let you in on the very first intro to the story that I am writing for this assignment. I have about two short stories done on this one so far, and I think I am going to take into the series direction, so I may post them on kindle or something like that.

 

 ? No title ?

             You know those stories with a happy ending and everything works out in the end? Ya, this isn’t one of those! This is like a bad black and white movie, you know the ones where the beautiful vivacious woman uses the clever and charming private investigator, he knows what she is doing but he loves the excitement. My story begins with a beautiful receptionist, or so she thinks she’s a receptionist, typing at her desk late at night. I don’t know what she could be typing, maybe her resume, we haven’t had work in months.

“Will that be all Dicky? I need to pick up bobby from the sitters soon.” My receptionist Wanda asks.

“Sure you can go, I’m gonna hang out here for a while and finish my last Cuban. Lock up on your way out will ya?”

“Sure thing Dicky, hey you have a good night sweetie? Tomorrow will be better, I just know you will get something tomorrow. OK then, good night.”

I hear her keys jingle as she locks the door and her heels tapping on the hardwood as she fades into the distance, again you are alone, and all you hear is the echoes from the street. My office is small but it’s comfortable, and cheap. To be honest I have slept on my office couch for the last two months. I like to sit in my office and smoke my cigar, and I like the low light of my desk lamp as it casts shadows around the room to entertain my imagination on these lonely nights. Just then a sound catches my full attention, a slow creek, possibly 210 Lbs, flat leather shoes, a hole in the left bottom soul. But how did he get in? I heard Wanda lock the front door, I reach under my desk and grasp my two faithful and ever reliable friends Smith and Wesson.

Closer… and closer he approaches, now at the door he stops. He seems to linger there a few seconds, contemplating. An envelope slid under the door and then he scurries away. I get up to examine the envelope, I don’t bother opening the door he’s already gone. 10 years as a P.I. has taught me to not kill the messenger. I glance at the contents and pull out the folded paper, just then something falls onto the floor. I reach down and pick up a gold necklace with a water droplet shape pendant and a blue gem in the centre. After examining the necklace I return to my desk to read the contents. The letter read: Hard Water Pier, tonight at 10:30

 

Well I hope my writing is getting better and hope you enjoyed the teaser of this new story. Have a great day.

 

 

 

Oh my word, this was a hard one for me, we had to do like a 3D type thing. Say a bird’s eye view of a building or ground view of a building. I did a bird’s eye view, I did not understand how to even start it off, do you just randomly stick in the shape, I mean how was I supposed to get it going? Really? But with a lot of attempts and a lot of erasing, I think I kinda figured it out. I know I have a long way to go on this one, but, with practice I will be able to move from a building to drawing the bird!

I have only one view for you today, the final drawing. Thank you for viewing. 🙂

bird's eye view of a made up sky scraper
bird’s eye view of a made up skyscraper

 

 

Dialogue With Self

In my writing essentials class through Gale online (I am taking a couple of writing courses) we are to write a dialogue between the two side of ourselves that directly impact our writing. The critical side and the creative side. Here is my submission. Remember this is a beginner course. Hope you like it.Oh did I mention that I love this class and teach is awesome!

Dialogue With Self

Creative side: I feel like I am writing like Plato does in his dialogues. He must have liked this style so much since that is the only way he wrote anything.

Critical side: Wow aren’t you presumptuous! Comparing yourself to a great philosopher and teacher like Plato.

Creative side: Oh shut up, it is just a feeling, you can’t stop me from feeling only from acting so shut it!

Critical side: Just pointing out what you are looking and acting like, others are thinking the same thing. I just want to save you from hurt.

Creative side: Whatever, I am on a new journey, if you wanna join then you have to follow some rules! They are simple I feel and would be helpful and not detrimental to the success of us both. You in?

Critical side: Well I will try, you know I am who I am, but I will hear you out and do my best to be supportive to you, after all that is all I ever wanted is to support you, care for you, and keep you safe.

Creative side: Here it is, I will lay them out like Gibb’s rules.

Rule #1 – you must only comment on the writing and not my abilities.

Rule #2 – You are never to insult me again, no name calling, no calling me stupid, no insults.

Rule #3 – your comments must pertain to the improvement of the writing such as, you missed a comma, or that sentence does not seem to fit, or some type of productive criticism that will help the writing flow.Rule #4 – You must be willing to give in. If I feel that the work is good for print sort of speak, then you must concede without being a perfectionist. No one is perfect, just be the best we can in the time we have.

Rule #4 – You must be willing to give in. If I feel that the work is good for print sort of speak, then you must concede without being a perfectionist. No one is perfect, just be the best we can in the time we have.

Critical side: Those may sound like reasonable rules to you because you are all up in the clouds, but down here on the planet we live by the law of the fittest, the best succeed, and you want to be the best don’t you? You want to succeed right? So I must be the bad guy sometimes, I must push you to be better. You know how you procrastinate! If I weren’t there to give you that push you would be like a fat Lisa Simpson.Laying in a hammock in your living room, using a boat oar to beat people to bring you more food, or change the T.V. channel, because you lost the remote in one of your many enormous fat rolls. You need me to be critical.

Creative side: Hmm, are you sure you are not the creative side? That sounds quite dramatic. Those are the rules and you must abide by them. Anything else and I will simply not respond to you. You do want friends right? You do want to be heard? Then you must be cooperative.

Critical side: OK, so this is the rule that I must concede right? Well then I have some rules of my own then.

Creative side: Oh boy really? I can just imagine what that could be. Cue the marching band! Roll in the cannons! Attention!

Critical side: Who’s being dramatic now?

Creative side: Um, creative side!

Critical side: With a sigh of frustration critical side said. Just hear me out, I will lay it out in like fashion.  Rule #1 – You will listen, keep an open mind and hear me out.

Rule #1 – You will listen, keep an open mind and hear me out.

Rule #2 – You will entertain every suggestion, you don’t have to follow everyone just consider it.

Creative side: THAT’S IT? Two rules? Is there like a secret rule that is about to pounce on me, right now!

Critical side: Nope, that is all. Just the two rules that I want from you.

Creative side: YES! I accept those rules, with only two I am taking it before you change your mind. I accept! Deal?

Critical side: Deal.

Creative side: Hey this was fun, we should write another dialogue on our own. What should we write on? Oh ya she said to do a freewriting for 5 minutes of nonstop to get ideas, let’s do it!

Critical side: it was actually fun, and I learned a little about you too creative, you aren’t so bad, you are growing on me. Yes let’s give it a try and post it on our blog site.

Creative side: Awe you like me? You really like me! Do you want a hug?

Critical side: No! Seriously! You ruined it with that mushy stuff, stop it!

by Tina