On Tuesday I had an interesting conversation with someone who I thought was a dear close friend. Sadly he is no longer in my close circle but, still a friend from afar. We were talking about how to inspire my daughter to find her strength and ambition to create her own life journey as she is a little stuck. Sadly, he said that the way to get her to want to be something more is to have sex. Because when you have sex it makes you feel so good about yourself that you want to do more, you want to be better, and have an independent life from parents.
This surprised me because he puts on a good confidence show, I had not realized until that moment how much he gets his “confidence” from external acceptance. He has no inner rock, no inner stability that validates himself by himself. (This is not the reason he is no longer in my close circle of course, there are many other factors that I needed to look at to keep myself balanced and in peace.) I also want to say that letting people go from my life is never an easy decision, I value each person so deeply, so strongly that it hurts me to say goodbye. Honestly, I cry for loss.
So, today I want to write about an issue that I feel may help some people. I have always been told how strong and independent, and resilient I am. How I have a presence that makes people gravitate towards me. Well today I am going to share something I learned. I learned this skill as a child dealing with abuse, neglect and how I found a way to pull through and rise above. I had help along the way, I put faith in strangers and learned from conversing with people. Learn from other’s mistakes so you don’t have to make it.
Of course this is not the end all be all, but I hope it can help when making the decision. Of course I can also become invisible when I want to but, that is another conversation for another time.
Over the years I have watched people in their relationships, career choices and interactions and noticed that so many people have a very noticeable lack of confidence. I too have gone through a crash in the confidence department, recently actually. But because I had already found my inner rock and I also linked my inner rock to something visual. I visualize it with the moon. For me, the moon is usually guaranteed to always be available, well most nights. The night is a time that I can focus without distraction to “talk things out with the moon”. Since I am a very visual person this helps me to lift myself up again and again.
The skill in finding inner confidence takes some time, practice and maybe even a little experimentation, so please be patient with yourself. Tweek this suggestion so it works for you, everyone is different and needs to visualize or feel or hear to discover new ideas and new ways to grow. So, just because it works for me in this way maybe you need to adjust this to suit you so it works for you. But do keep an open mind please, and if you want to grow confidence then you must keep practising. Remember that we all have times where even the most beautiful or the successful people are self-conscious and reek low self esteem. The difference is shaking off that negative and replacing it with inner strength quickly to not keep or drag you down or worse, drag down others.
Confidence is not about body size or shape, it is not about money or fame. It is not about being validated by the affections from someone else. It is all in our own mind. Know yourself first! Know what you want out of life, relationships and who you are. For example: If you are with a man pushing to have sex with you and you don’t want it, you have the power to say no. If he tries to make you feel guilty about it, then he is definitely not for you. If he says he will leave you, then say goodbye. Your feelings are important, they are legit and you must value yourself so much that your values are never compromised. Your strength comes from you knowing what you want and don’t want. You see?
Here is the start, think about a time you felt confident. Got it? Now think of the feeling you had, how did you feel? Did you make a decision in that time? How did that feel? This feeling you had localize where in your body you felt the most powerful confidence. Did you feel it in your chest? Maybe your stomach? Perhaps your head?
This is the energy you want to focus on now, feel that confidence build, think of being positive, easily laughing, the feeling of courage even. Are you feeling great about yourself? This place that you are generating your confidence from is where you will reach to when you feel the worst and when you need a little boost. Your mind will actively be trying to be positive and fun when you recreate this. This combination is where you find the greatest strength to look at any situation and see it for what it is.
I find that I can feel stronger feelings, and passion from this combination. I feel love so much more intensely, I feel the desire laugh much more easily and I crave it. People love to be around people who really laugh at their jokes, who are not stiff and ridged and a rule freak. So, relax, and generate that confidence energy and use your mind to enhance that energy to a stronger, more self aware you.
I hope this helps you to feel sexy, to feel strong and to have the ability to make better choices because you know you deserve the best out of life.