Finding Inner Strength

On Tuesday I had an interesting conversation with someone who I thought was a dear close friend. Sadly he is no longer in my close circle but, still a friend from afar. We were talking about how to inspire my daughter to find her strength and ambition to create her own life journey as she is a little stuck. Sadly, he said that the way to get her to want to be something more is to have sex. Because when you have sex it makes you feel so good about yourself that you want to do more, you want to be better, and have an independent life from parents.

This surprised me because he puts on a good confidence show, I had not realized until that moment how much he gets his “confidence” from external acceptance. He has no inner rock, no inner stability that validates himself by himself. (This is not the reason he is no longer in my close circle of course, there are many other factors that I needed to look at to keep myself balanced and in peace.) I also want to say that letting people go from my life is never an easy decision, I value each person so deeply, so strongly that it hurts me to say goodbye. Honestly, I cry for loss.

So, today I want to write about an issue that I feel may help some people. I have always been told how strong and independent, and resilient I am. How I have a presence that makes people gravitate towards me. Well today I am going to share something I learned. I learned this skill as a child dealing with abuse, neglect and how I found a way to pull through and rise above. I had help along the way, I put faith in strangers and learned from conversing with people. Learn from other’s mistakes so you don’t have to make it.

Of course this is not the end all be all, but I hope it can help when making the decision. Of course I can also become invisible when I want to but, that is another conversation for another time.

Over the years I have watched people in their relationships, career choices and interactions and noticed that so many people have a very noticeable lack of confidence. I too have gone through a crash in the confidence department, recently actually. But because I had already found my inner rock and I also linked my inner rock to something visual. I visualize it with the moon. For me, the moon is usually guaranteed to always be available, well most nights. The night is a time that I can focus without distraction to “talk things out with the moon”. Since I am a very visual person this helps me to lift myself up again and again.

The skill in finding inner confidence takes some time, practice and maybe even a little experimentation, so please be patient with yourself. Tweek this suggestion so it works for you, everyone is different and needs to visualize or feel or hear to discover new ideas and new ways to grow. So, just because it works for me in this way maybe you need to adjust this to suit you so it works for you. But do keep an open mind please, and if you want to grow confidence then you must keep practising. Remember that we all have times where even the most beautiful or the successful people are self-conscious and reek low self esteem. The difference is shaking off that negative and replacing it with inner strength quickly to not keep or drag you down or worse, drag down others.

Confidence is not about body size or shape, it is not about money or fame. It is not about being validated by the affections from someone else. It is all in our own mind. Know yourself first! Know what you want out of life, relationships and who you are. For example: If you are with a man pushing to have sex with you and you don’t want it, you have the power to say no. If he tries to make you feel guilty about it, then he is definitely not for you. If he says he will leave you, then say goodbye. Your feelings are important, they are legit and you must value yourself so much that your values are never compromised. Your strength comes from you knowing what you want and don’t want. You see?

Here is the start, think about a time you felt confident. Got it? Now think of the feeling you had, how did you feel? Did you make a decision in that time? How did that feel? This feeling you had localize where in your body you felt the most powerful confidence. Did you feel it in your chest? Maybe your stomach? Perhaps your head?

This is the energy you want to focus on now, feel that confidence build, think of being positive, easily laughing, the feeling of courage even. Are you feeling great about yourself? This place that you are generating your confidence from is where you will reach to when you feel the worst and when you need a little boost. Your mind will actively be trying to be positive and fun when you recreate this. This combination is where you find the greatest strength to look at any situation and see it for what it is.

I find that I can feel stronger feelings, and passion from this combination. I feel love so much more intensely, I feel the desire laugh much more easily and I crave it. People love to be around people who really laugh at their jokes, who are not stiff and ridged and a rule freak. So, relax, and generate that confidence energy and use your mind to enhance that energy to a stronger, more self aware you.

I hope this helps you to feel sexy, to feel strong and to have the ability to make better choices because you know you deserve the best out of life.






Rule Your Hell

Very recently I have experienced a struggle, with reality I guess you could put it. I am in Alice’s Wonderland of all lands to enter. I mean really, why couldn’t I enter the land of enchantment, to be a queen in a castle? What’s up is really down, and the truth be told, the left side of that mushroom will not make you taller. Just like the right will not make you smaller. While I go through hard times I always try to learn from others, I read anything and everything as fast as I can read it. Just so I can find an inspiration, and tool or a strand of hope to get me through this with some sort of grace. I love and respect all writers, it is a fantastic way to weave in and out of realities, lessons and of course finding treasures in mystical worlds, my favourite. Words in print, just the best.

While having a random anxiety attack, I opened a random book. Seriously just random, picked up what was beside where I was sitting. While taking those deep slow breaths I opened a page deep within the bindings. This is what I read;

“To reign is worth ambition though in Hell: Better to reign in Hell, than to serve in Heaven” (Pg. 44 in Confessions of an Advertising Man by David Ogilvy)

This was like a fist to the face. What the hell is this person saying? It was shocking, thought provoking, and made me think I was about to be stricken by God at any point. This was blasphemous! Should I duck? Run for cover? I mean I honestly, felt like I was in serious harms way. Not what someone in the middle of an anxiety attach needs! But this is what writing is all about for me. To shock you, to make you think, to encourage or shake up your reality, only then are you open to a new way of thinking.

I put it down and took a few more deep slow breaths. I’m calming down from the attack now by reminding myself “I am all right”. As you may know, our body does not know the difference between stress of excitement, stress of fear, or stress of shock. To our bodies, stress is stress, and it releases all sorts of chemical reactions to help you fight or flight. So, self talk, (don’t laugh) is a huge help to let your body  know you are all right. After calming down I had to open that book again. I searched for the page and re-read that line. I took it to be speaking to me right now. Ya, I’m special in the way, but anything that can help make sense of or contribute to a better situation; I’ll take it.

It is better to rule in Hell than to serve in Heaven. What? To me, I think of it meaning when going through Hell you had better rule it while you pass through. Make it worth your while right, why be a slave in Hell? Learn all you need to make it work for you.

That’s my interpretation at this point in life of the first part. However, the better than serving in Heaven part I am not sure.Heaven is supposed to be a place we all want to go, but no I don’t want to be a servant for eternity, be it heaven or hell.

I often think of things that help me get through hard times. such things like:

The light at the end of the tunnel is not at train.

This too shall pass.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Tomorrow is always better than today.

When travelling through hell don’t stop, you are just passing through.

These little self-help pep talks are great when you need them as a quick pick up, but to consider to actually rule your Hell. This is a total shift. Take charge! for a lack of better words “man up.” What a great perspective.

So, next question is… How?

Go to school and get that education that will make you a leader. Focus on your current work to show you are stronger, better, and more passionate. Show you want that raise, be assertive! Go for the next level within the company or a competing company. Don’t hang around for a boyfriend / girlfriend to get their shit together, move it on up, don’t let them drag you down. Don’t let them hold you back either, do not let them follow you like a weight around your ankles. Let the pain of the past be exactly that, all in the past. Don’t carry it with you in your future. If you let the past follow you around then it wins, you must win over anything that happened yesterday. It hurt, yup, now let it go.

Basically find the courage to take a leap of faith, to make a move up, or move forward. You can do it. How do I know this? Because history is filled with stories of people who had nothing that made the world change. Not just the local town shaken up, no, these people who had nothing, changed the WORLD! How? Courage! Be courageous, be assertive, get educated and rule your Hell.